Why I've been absent

It's been nearly two months since my last post. While I wanted to be on top of my blogging it fell to the wayside. It's time I tell what's really happening in my life.

Ever since I was about 13-14 I have had depression issues, and while I've never been diagnosed by a doctor it's something that I've been struggling with. When I was 16 I had my first anxiety attack and since then my mental health has gone down considerably.

I'm always amazed by the people with anxiety and depression who are able to go and talk to a doctor about what's going on in their brain. It takes me at least ten times trying to even gather up the mental strength to hit the call button to make a regular check-up appointment. I can barely talk to my doctor as it is and I fear that if I do say something to her or to anyone in my real life that they'll think I'm just seeking attention or am exaggerating.

It's a mental battle day in and day out just trying to get through without breaking down. There are days I want to just disappear whether it's from the world itself or in the case of taking a drive for a few hours and not talking to another human being.

Depression and anxiety are things that even when you're having a good mental day it can come crashing down at the littlest of things. When I was getting ready to graduate and even after I graduated I had the hardest time trying to submit a job application. It took me over six months to get a job and it was one that I had actually put a resume in as a throwaway because I figured I'd never get the job and my resume would get put in the trash.

Weirdly enough blogging is like that for me. I get so anxious when I write a post that half the time I end up deleting it and then suddenly two months have gone by and I haven't posted anything. There's been so many things that I've debated posting that I delete from my computer.

I'm done making promises  I can't keep and while it might be weeks between blog posts I'm going to try my hardest to blog more and push past my mental issues and hopefully I'll get to a point where I can get the true help I need and get to doing something I love and that's blogging.

Thank you to everyone who's read my blog you don't know how much I appreciate it.

♥♥♥,
Aub

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Getting Fit

I have recently begun the journey to get fit again. I'll admit to having a great metabolism which allows me to stay on the fairly skinny side. However, like most women I am body conscious. I worry about my weight and my fat to muscle ratio.

This journey isn't about losing weight to me. This journey is about getting healthy and fit again. In high school I was a 4-year letter holder in track. I was on Varsity all four years which was pretty awesome. I loved track and I loved being in shape.

Then I went to college and I can count the number of times I went to the gym on one hand. I was lucky that I only gained 10lbs my whole college career. My exercise was walking and in all honesty even today a good walk is my favorite exercise.

I live in Michigan where the weather is really chaotic (no joke last week it was high 50s and now we are in a Winter Storm advisory). So my second favorite workouts of swimming and kayaking are only possible 3-4 months max. I don't like going to a gym because I'm so self conscious and really there's not a whole lot of exercises I like to do that are there.

So what's this journey for me, what exercises am I doing, and what am I looking for result wise?

This journey is a journey not only about getting fit and losing that 7lbs I gained since graduating college nearly two years ago. It's about finding a peace with myself. It's about being in tune with my body and really learning to love who I am for what I am. It's about learning to be in control of my own body and my own fate. Instead of letting fear, food, and family get in the way.

I'm going on longer walks and with a puppy a lot more walks. I'm starting to do yoga. I have a stationary bike that I want to get some use out of and hopefully in the summer get a real bike out. I'm going to start swimming more and kayaking at least twice weekly in the summer time. I'm also going to start slowly getting back into running and maybe even tumbling (aka floor gymnastics).

The results I'm looking for body wise is a more toned body, losing that little extra weight and converting it to muscle weight. I'd also like to get my exercise-induced asthma under control or at least lessen it's hold on me. Most importantly I want to be able to feel like I need a nap after a ten minute walk with the pup.

This journey to get fit won't just be exercise it's going to be about my food choices as well. Working at an area that has so many fast food options nearby is harmful to me. I eat fast food at least 3 times a week (so gross I know). I want to start cooking easy meals to take to work.

I'm also a big planner girl. I love my Happy Planner like no other. However, I recently invested in the Recollections Fitness Journal available at Michael's. I think this will be a good way to keep track of just how much I've worked out and changed my body. If you'd like to see how I use it and possibly decorate it (I own a lot of washi okay.) just leave a comment!

I can't wait to take you all along on this journey in fitness!

♥♥♥

Aub

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About Me: Who I Am

Hey everyone! Welcome to my blog.

(My cousin Laura & I)

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