Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Why I've been absent

It's been nearly two months since my last post. While I wanted to be on top of my blogging it fell to the wayside. It's time I tell what's really happening in my life.

Ever since I was about 13-14 I have had depression issues, and while I've never been diagnosed by a doctor it's something that I've been struggling with. When I was 16 I had my first anxiety attack and since then my mental health has gone down considerably.

I'm always amazed by the people with anxiety and depression who are able to go and talk to a doctor about what's going on in their brain. It takes me at least ten times trying to even gather up the mental strength to hit the call button to make a regular check-up appointment. I can barely talk to my doctor as it is and I fear that if I do say something to her or to anyone in my real life that they'll think I'm just seeking attention or am exaggerating.

It's a mental battle day in and day out just trying to get through without breaking down. There are days I want to just disappear whether it's from the world itself or in the case of taking a drive for a few hours and not talking to another human being.

Depression and anxiety are things that even when you're having a good mental day it can come crashing down at the littlest of things. When I was getting ready to graduate and even after I graduated I had the hardest time trying to submit a job application. It took me over six months to get a job and it was one that I had actually put a resume in as a throwaway because I figured I'd never get the job and my resume would get put in the trash.

Weirdly enough blogging is like that for me. I get so anxious when I write a post that half the time I end up deleting it and then suddenly two months have gone by and I haven't posted anything. There's been so many things that I've debated posting that I delete from my computer.

I'm done making promises  I can't keep and while it might be weeks between blog posts I'm going to try my hardest to blog more and push past my mental issues and hopefully I'll get to a point where I can get the true help I need and get to doing something I love and that's blogging.

Thank you to everyone who's read my blog you don't know how much I appreciate it.

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