Why I've been absent

It's been nearly two months since my last post. While I wanted to be on top of my blogging it fell to the wayside. It's time I tell what's really happening in my life.

Ever since I was about 13-14 I have had depression issues, and while I've never been diagnosed by a doctor it's something that I've been struggling with. When I was 16 I had my first anxiety attack and since then my mental health has gone down considerably.

I'm always amazed by the people with anxiety and depression who are able to go and talk to a doctor about what's going on in their brain. It takes me at least ten times trying to even gather up the mental strength to hit the call button to make a regular check-up appointment. I can barely talk to my doctor as it is and I fear that if I do say something to her or to anyone in my real life that they'll think I'm just seeking attention or am exaggerating.

It's a mental battle day in and day out just trying to get through without breaking down. There are days I want to just disappear whether it's from the world itself or in the case of taking a drive for a few hours and not talking to another human being.

Depression and anxiety are things that even when you're having a good mental day it can come crashing down at the littlest of things. When I was getting ready to graduate and even after I graduated I had the hardest time trying to submit a job application. It took me over six months to get a job and it was one that I had actually put a resume in as a throwaway because I figured I'd never get the job and my resume would get put in the trash.

Weirdly enough blogging is like that for me. I get so anxious when I write a post that half the time I end up deleting it and then suddenly two months have gone by and I haven't posted anything. There's been so many things that I've debated posting that I delete from my computer.

I'm done making promises  I can't keep and while it might be weeks between blog posts I'm going to try my hardest to blog more and push past my mental issues and hopefully I'll get to a point where I can get the true help I need and get to doing something I love and that's blogging.

Thank you to everyone who's read my blog you don't know how much I appreciate it.

♥♥♥,
Aub

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Getting Fit

I have recently begun the journey to get fit again. I'll admit to having a great metabolism which allows me to stay on the fairly skinny side. However, like most women I am body conscious. I worry about my weight and my fat to muscle ratio.

This journey isn't about losing weight to me. This journey is about getting healthy and fit again. In high school I was a 4-year letter holder in track. I was on Varsity all four years which was pretty awesome. I loved track and I loved being in shape.

Then I went to college and I can count the number of times I went to the gym on one hand. I was lucky that I only gained 10lbs my whole college career. My exercise was walking and in all honesty even today a good walk is my favorite exercise.

I live in Michigan where the weather is really chaotic (no joke last week it was high 50s and now we are in a Winter Storm advisory). So my second favorite workouts of swimming and kayaking are only possible 3-4 months max. I don't like going to a gym because I'm so self conscious and really there's not a whole lot of exercises I like to do that are there.

So what's this journey for me, what exercises am I doing, and what am I looking for result wise?

This journey is a journey not only about getting fit and losing that 7lbs I gained since graduating college nearly two years ago. It's about finding a peace with myself. It's about being in tune with my body and really learning to love who I am for what I am. It's about learning to be in control of my own body and my own fate. Instead of letting fear, food, and family get in the way.

I'm going on longer walks and with a puppy a lot more walks. I'm starting to do yoga. I have a stationary bike that I want to get some use out of and hopefully in the summer get a real bike out. I'm going to start swimming more and kayaking at least twice weekly in the summer time. I'm also going to start slowly getting back into running and maybe even tumbling (aka floor gymnastics).

The results I'm looking for body wise is a more toned body, losing that little extra weight and converting it to muscle weight. I'd also like to get my exercise-induced asthma under control or at least lessen it's hold on me. Most importantly I want to be able to feel like I need a nap after a ten minute walk with the pup.

This journey to get fit won't just be exercise it's going to be about my food choices as well. Working at an area that has so many fast food options nearby is harmful to me. I eat fast food at least 3 times a week (so gross I know). I want to start cooking easy meals to take to work.

I'm also a big planner girl. I love my Happy Planner like no other. However, I recently invested in the Recollections Fitness Journal available at Michael's. I think this will be a good way to keep track of just how much I've worked out and changed my body. If you'd like to see how I use it and possibly decorate it (I own a lot of washi okay.) just leave a comment!

I can't wait to take you all along on this journey in fitness!

♥♥♥

Aub

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5 THINGS COLLEGE LIFE TAUGHT ME – OUTSIDE THE CLASS

5 THINGS COLLEGE LIFE TAUGHT ME – OUTSIDE THE CLASS

1. You can reinvent yourself.

I'll be the first to admit that I hated high school with a passion. People always told me, “you'll miss it when you graduate and leave”. I didn't and I still don't because I was honestly miserable. College was my way to change the educational and social experience that I had in high school. I chose to attend a college where none of my friends were going and only a few people from my graduating class were attending. I was no longer forced to play the part of the hyper, eccentric, and annoying girl that I was forced to be in high school because that's what was expected of me.

Instead I became the introvert that I really wanted to be. I enjoyed the time to myself and unlike a lot of people I didn't party in college (I went to a total of less than 5 parties in 5 years). I started to care more about my appearance and how I acted to my situations. Plus I started to actually like sports and studied things that no one expected me to.

2. Your beliefs can change.

This is the one that shocked me the most. I come from a conservative Christian family. Both sets of my grandparents and a bunch of my aunts & uncles go to the same church. They are all Republican to the extreme in their beliefs. I was a church going girl, I even went to a nationwide conference when I was fifteen for my church denomination. When I got to college I thought that I would keep my way of thinking. Then I started meeting people and hearing there stories. Halfway through my Sophomore year I realized that I was no longer into faith, I just didn't believe anymore and I was definitely a democrat.

Now I'm not saying that going to college will make you agnostic like me or change your political views. For some of my friends college made them become even more dedicated to their religion which is awesome! I had one friend that wasn't extremely religious convert to Islam (not the extremist type we see in the news). I'm just saying that it's perfectly okay if your beliefs change and/or grow.

3. Eating alone isn't always a bad thing.

I had trouble with this one a lot my first couple years. I refused to go to the cafeteria alone, I just couldn't do it. I didn't want to be seen as the “loser eating alone”. My third year there I suddenly realized you know what I'm not a loser if I eat alone, plus I'll save a lot of money on not eating fast food or ramen.

The fact of the matter is eating alone can be relaxing because you can focus on other things like studying or even just the fun of people watching. When you get older suddenly the things that seemed so important the image you are portraying seem trivial and you wonder why you ever worried about them. My last year of college I basically ate every breakfast by myself and enjoyed the time alone.

4. If you get to know people you normally wouldn't think to be friends with you'll grow a lot more as a person.

The first group of friends I ever made were the exact opposite of me. These were my closest friends my first two years of college. I hung out with the kids who played video games whenever they weren't in class and listened to heavy metal music. I can't play a video game to save my life and heavy metal gives me headaches. However, spending so much time with people so different from myself was eye opening. These were people in high school I never would have associated with I would have actually been slightly afraid of them. However, I learned that just because we have different interest doesn't mean we don't have things in common.

5. It's okay to feel overwhelmed.

I feel like no one ever talked about this with me before my transition to college. College is a huge difference from high school. You often go in without your group of lifelong friends and you're suddenly being bombarded with school, extracurricular, and a social life. You're pushed out of your comfort zone and it can be overwhelming. It's okay to feel that way and it's okay to step back and just take a day for yourself (I suggest a Saturday or Sunday). For me I liked to go for walks sometimes alone (during the day because I'm a fairly tiny female and as safe as I felt on campus I still didn't take chances) or with a friend or two. Getting out and just taking the time to relax and not worry about what test was coming up or the event coming up for my RSO (Registered Student Organization) was a lot of help for my mental health in college.

On that note if you are overwhelmed and you aren't coping well it's okay to ask for help. My school had a free counseling center and I still wish that I had gathered the courage (and pushed back my anxiety) and went to get help. My anxiety my senior year was extremely bad, to the point that I considered suicide. I managed to make my way through it but I didn't have to suffer the way I did. I just wish someone had told me, it's okay to seek help, you need to worry about you.

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New & Revisited - Weekly Makeup Drawer

Okay so technically these aren't in the actual drawer (I'm in the process of doing a whole reorganization of my beauty collection). However, these are the ones that I'm trying to use this week and see my feelings on them before determining if I want to keep them, pass them on, or trash them all together.

Essence Liquid Eyeliner

NYX HD Concealer

Coty Airspun Loose Powder

ModelCo Bronzer

CoverGirl Outlast Stay Fabulous 3in1 Foundation

CoverGirl Oh Sugar! Lip Balm in Soda

Dr. Brandt Pores No More Primer

NYX Brow Tint

CoverGirl Lashblash Mascara

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3-7-16 Weekly Planner Layout

For this weeks layout I decided to do a gray-scale layout. If I didn't love playing with filters all my Instagram pictures would be gray-scale. There's something about the colors that just seem to take you back in time and it's just such a classic combination. This is what it looks like before the pen. I will show after the pen in next weeks post.

All of the full box stickers besides the large one on the far right are ones that I found on Google and printed onto shipping label paper. The large one and the To-Do, Game Day, & Workout stickers are from Me & My Big Ideas.

Last Weeks:

Last week was a mint & gold theme. Not a lot happened that week other than trade deadline for the NHL in which I payed attention to religiously but thankfully only one of my favorites got traded and even then it was to a team I like. The little squares of mint and old are from a gift bag that I pulled apart to make a cover for my planner.

♥♥♥,
Aub

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BoxyCharm January 2016

This month was all about the eyes with BoxyCharm. I was psyched about that because eye makeup is the one makeup that I wear daily. I can go weeks without putting on face makeup (dry skin and acne suck for wearing face makeup). So without boring your to death here is the January BoxyCharm.

Blinc Mascara Amplified

I haven't tried this mascara yet but it sounds pretty intriguing. The claims are that it creates a tube around the lashes instead of just coating them. Then the BoxyCharm Instagram had a clip of them being washed off and it was creepy but awesome. I'm definitely excited to try this out and give it a go.  Also I love how the product has a tube casing to product that actual tube of mascara. I plan on keeping the tube to travel with simply because if something happens to a product it'd be contained that way. Full Size - $26.00

Royal & Langnickel Brush Set [R]evolution

I'm always up for getting new eye brushes. The fact that this is a trio is pretty awesome. I did however find them a little stiff but I'm hoping they loosen up once they get used more and once they get washed. These were also specially curated for BoxyCharm and can be purchased individually online. Full Size - $23.97

Starlooks Luxe Longwear Eye Liner Pen

This was a this or that product. I luckily received the Starlooks Liquid Liner instead of the Modster Smooth Ride Supercharged Eyeliner. I much prefer to get a liquid liner than a pencil one because  I have so many pencil liners already. This one stays on the skin really well. I swatched it on my hand and forgot to take it off and it was still there and maybe a little faded but not smudged in the morning. Full Size - $19.00

Coastal Scents Revealed Smoky Palette

I feel like every time Coastal Scents comes out with a palette it's in a BoxyCharm within a couple months. I've gotten two other palette's from BoxyCharm and the only one I don't have is the original Revealed palette which was given in a BoxyCharm before I subscribed. I like this palette and it was interesting comparing it to my Urban Decay Smoked Palette (not the UD Naked Smoky Palette). Full Size - $19.99

So that was this months BoxyCharm. I have a feeling I'm going to love this one a lot. I will probably do an update in a couple weeks on how I feel about the products after testing them out a lot more. I love how almost if not everything (like this box) is full size.

♥♥♥,
Aub

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Hello 2016, Planner Haul

Happy New Year!!! Can you believe it's 2016 already? I figured I would start the year off with a planner haul, because 2016 is all about the planner for me.

Finally was able to find some deals at the Target Dollar Spot and at Michael’s. With the new year all the brands seem to be coming out with new products which means the old one’s are going on sale. I was able to get 25 items for for $27.49 (plus tax so in Michigan where I am it was $32.31).

Now I will admit that a few items that I got at target won’t see my Planner at all. I use the sticky notes for work quite often and love having various ones for the different seasons. Not to mention I love using them to leave notes to myself in random spots around the house (well and to my roommates too). 

Target:

Everything from Target came from the Dollar Spot. Normally when I am finally able to visit my closest Target (Maybe 3-4 times a year) I can't find a single thing. This time I feel like I hit the mother load! I ended up spending $15.90 at Target on all these goodies. Everything was $1.00 with the exception of the Planner Accessories pack which was $3.00.

Michael’s

I was able to find all of the things from Michael’s on sale except for the Home Planner which I had a 50% off one single regular priced item. I was shocked when I saw this little section with washi’s on sale and ended up picking up one of every single style they had. The washi was $0.19 a piece, the sticker sheets and decorative covers were $2.99 a piece. The home planner which was originally $9.99 was $4.99 after my coupon. My total at Michael’s was $16.41.

 Also a bonus puppy! He's about thirteen/fourteen weeks old and a biting menace. We got him in the middle of December and have been working on training him in the midst of all the holiday craziness!

♥♥♥,

Aub

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